Burnout Body & Mood, And The Phases Of Burnout

Burning the candle at both ends? Try burning multiple candles for years! Okay, no more Dad jokes, Sloan. Hello again. It is not my intention to talk burnout on a continuous basis, however - it's what I'm working through at the moment and it's new to me, and hence I want to share with you what I'm finding, in hopes that I can support you if you are going through something similar. There are many facets to burnout (mental, physical, emotional) and it is not like I ever envisioned it. Right now I'm more so experiencing the physical effects. February/March I was experiencing all effects; mental, emotional, physical. The mental was to be expected, and that "phase" of the physical was exhausting/depleting. This phase of the physical is a wake up call because - for the first time in honestly 20 years, I've gained weight! One of the side effects of burnout is fogginess and mild depression (a mild depression that is kind of undetectable) paired with the depletion and mental vacating - one can think they are moving and eating properly, which in my case, I thought I was and I clearly was not. Looking back, I was shoving cheese-y crackers and "healthy" cinnamon crackers in my face like they were going out of style. I'm also not someone who generally eats processed food, but that's what I was reaching for in this moment. Again, burnout can cause you to temporarily vacate in certain areas or aspects of your life. As someone who knows how to eat, I still found myself breaking too many of my own rules or living in way too flexible a state because it felt "comfortable". How we feel in our body matters - no matter the number on the scale. Shifting out of the weight topic, and back into body, feeling and burnout. 

Side note: I still (since 2018) live with long post concussion symptoms, and anyone who lives with these symptoms or has a tbi (traumatic brain injury) with lingering/persisting symptoms - you know that neuro fatigue is a real thing and that working out beyond walking, stretching and anything "light", is kind of a major undertaking on any given day. 

Back to burnout, but this post is about burn out body, hence I wanted to share with you where I'm at - and to hold myself accountable because I'm on a mission to feel better in my body ASAP. 

Burnout, alike intense concussion symptoms, has you feel at times like you are fighting to stay alive - and I'm not exaggerating (again, burnout comes in varying forms and degrees, as do concussion symptoms, etc - and I'm not speaking of these two things combined/experiencing simultaneously, I'm simply comparing the feeling and effects of them because I've gone through them both. Well, am "going through" and coming out the other side of burnout. 

Burnout, as I'm finding, doesn't necessarily have a recovery timeline? My good friend Gelsey and I were talking about the types of burnout that occur and how it can come in waves and hence, the need to have grace with yourself EVEN if we are "get it done" and "push through" kind of people.

What I thought was burnout from an intense first 6 weeks of the year was actually probably a ripple effect of my journey's across the past 18 months. It's been a lot, despite me not making that big of a deal out of it because everything is relative, I'm happy, healthy, etc, and I tend to focus forward on what's working no matter what.

To me, the phases of burnout I am experiencing are mirroring the phases of grief I've experienced in the pat (loss of a loved one, death, a relationship breakup, etc). The first stage is often denial or rejection (due to an unfamiliarity of the sudden experience), then it's acknowledgement (realizing this state is what it is), then it's the working through it (new or different habits), and then - it's becoming a new version of yourself and being that person - stronger and better than ever, might I add. 

Just like losing someone (grief, in whatever form), or experiencing a concussion/long term symptoms - burnout DEMANDS that you take a look at your life and do things differently. These states of being demand that you slow down and don't just "push through" because that pushing through is what got you there in the first place. I'm a huge fan of having to do things differently because this act alone expands you. A pattern interruption in your life (and in my life) is a blessing, especially when we may have been "stuck" in some sense consciously or subconsciously - and just couldn't see it without having to have these symptoms rear their head for us to acknowledge. 

The whole point of this share is to say: the body does ALWAYS keep the score, AND I would love to remind you to have grace with yourself in whatever way grace is required. Feeling "behind"? Remember that you are always on time and that your timing is perfect. Feeling out of sort with your body? There's no better time to get back on track and align with the people who can support you mentally and physically to get to the place you want to be. 

At first I was frustrated at this "additional" side effect of burnout - my weight gain and, as I'm writing this, I'm actually excited at the opportunity to get back into the best shape of my life. Prior to this, I was in a blazee state with my physical body. I love my body, and it's one of those things that has always been there for me without fail (it's still here for me). Prior to this moment I was a little invincible, however, and could have been nourishing my body better. I already nourish my body well (clean 80/20) fuelling for satiety, anti-inflammatory and follow a mediterranean nutrition profile - all without restriction BUT, sometimes in this state we can still be coasting, still be blinded - and get to make improvements or straight up be lying to ourselves. I.e. me being straight up blind to having more body fat than I thought I did. I don't have visceral fat (the kind around my organs) but I do have subcutaneous fat that gets to be released - and I'm excited about it!! I am overjoyed to talk body, food and weight ANYDAY unlike many people. It's a topic that matters and I hope it is never taboo - same goes for money. Why does it need to be a taboo topic? It's not for me and never has been. More on this another day and back to burnout body and changed ways of being. 

Ways of being I am happy to step into as a result of this wave of burnout - and burnout "body" experience: 

• An even greater marathon mentality. I've had a marathon mentality since the early days of concussion/ptsd  (2018), and...marathon mentality shall continue. Where are we specifically going, anyway? Life goes on and we can bring it all with us... The people who truly love, respect and value you won't mind if you're having an off day, month, or period of time. 
• Respecting my gut health even more than normal and focusing on strengthening my immune health. This is my absolute hands down favorite find of the past while (supplement). I have so many good finds to share and will share in another blog post soon. 
• Repeating this: having more grace for myself. 
• Restructuring expectations of myself (see: grace). 
• Making cuts in my life about who gets my energy, attention and time. When it comes down to it - this is actually easy (at least for me). Who's important will ALWAYS have a place in my life, and anyone who may have been a distraction (personal or professional) easily got melted away.
• Come to God moments that remind me the way in which I share, deliver, serve, etc, IS enough. Not everyone is the same. We are all unique. I love this quote, "are you dropping $20's or are you dropping $100's?". Meaning - is what you are saying carrying and delivering value or is it worth less? You know what I'm saying. 
• Changing up my schedule/routine. I added in the vibration plate. I am incorporating different workouts. My "work" schedule has different parameters, as does my being on electronics 
• This isn't a changed way of being but I did have the realization that my burnout was also caused in part to something that had been buried subconsciously. Read more here. 
• Being proud, grateful and excited instead of feeling behind, in self beat up or ashamed. We get slowed down or made to be put into different "gears" for a reason. Instead of fighting the old, lean into the new. Aka - what you're learning about yourself as a result of being in this state, and then squeeze all the juice and make adjustments accordingly. Looking back, now that I've been in the feels and have moved forward - and am moving forward, I wouldn't want to go back to the "pre burnout" me. I feel more free, have a new lease on life, and my soul has definitely evolved - and, great things have happened for me and come to me. Like instead of pushing on a door that wasn't budging I opened a window and great things wafted in. Truly. 
• WARNING: do not let your 'above average' state/performance, etc, ATROPHY you. For me, this was definitely my body. I have muscle mass, I "look" in shape, I have good stamina. These things can be tricky and blind you if you're not careful. As time goes on - and my chronological age ticks on, things need to be paid attention to more so than coasting. When in the thick of burnout I realized my immune system needed a boost - I had a major ear-eczema flare up that was painful beyond... When in the thick of this most recent burnout wave I had this body fat discovery and what seemed sudden weight gain. I had a wake up call around some of the people in my life and how I was letting them treat me. I had a wake up call around the standards I was keeping instead of elevating.

Long story short: there was a fog, and there was a breaking through of the fog - thankfully. What is a fog? It's a blanket. Sometimes that blanket can be disguised as security and in fact it's the very thing that will suffocate and turn out your light if you aren't careful. I'm deciding that there won't be another burnout "wave" blog post, and if there is - so be it. I do intend to update you on my fat loss/weight release journey AND muscle building journey, however! I can't wait. 

Sending you love if you've made it this far and you're still reading, and I am sending you strength if you are going through something - and you just don't see the end. Reminder: you don't need to see the end to start stepping through and cutting through the fog. When it lifts, you might be surprised at what you find and you actually might be closer - to whatever it is, than you think. Love, Sloan